The Lost Art of Correspondence

It's been so long since my last post that, in sitting to compose, my mind has been sifting through what best to pin down in this one. I wrestled with many a 'timely' and/or political topic until I rested, rather accidentally, upon one that is close to my heart: correspondence.

I use the word 'correspondence' specifically and by choice.

Many of us live far away from some of the people we care about. The reality of this world, and an exciting one at that, is that our networks, communities, and families now cross national and international borders! Without delving into a lecture on the effects of globalization, it is also understood that there are now a variety of ways in which we can stay in touch with one another. However, with the speed at which these options become available, a corresponding 'etiquette of communication' seems slower-made.

I thought I would take this opportunity to outline, here, what I feel are the categories of communication and how they are best used for personal correspondence.

1. The telephone call- We all have them: mobiles, smartphones, archaic 'land-line's. This nifty connecting device is best used when one needs to convey information and needs to be clear, not only of its arrival, but that it has been understood. In business, the call is established for immediate decision making or to be sure that information passed between two sources is mutually acknowledged. In personal relationships, the phone call is how we 'reach out'. It is how you can be sure that the person you are attempting to connect with knows you want to reach them and 'speak' with them. The phone call is as much about the aesthetics and intimacy of speaking with a particular person as it is about the information of or 'reason' for the call. We all know that telephone calls can be costly when dealing with long-distance charges. In response to this financial irritation, there is a nifty little thing called 'Skype'.
2. Skype- the free online video-chat system! Very useful for remembering what people who live far away look like, although (surprisingly) still not as intimate as a phone call. I'm not knocking it, though. It's a necessary tool, and is still communication in somewhat 'real-time'. 
3. The email- The email is how we provide large chunks of information to people all in one go. The email has replaced the office 'memo'. In personal correspondence the email has evolved in the last 12 years. What began as a way of sending digital notes or letters is now, mostly, a system for sending documents and for providing the same information to multiple people at the same time: We all receive those 'wonderful' group holiday-updates or 'life-updates' from people who think the best way to stay connected is to write a simultaneously personal (all about them) and impersonal (not addressed to anyone specific) compendium of events. And sometimes we write them too, let's be honest...
4. The text msg- The text msg. This one is probably the most used and yet most complicated method of correspondence. It is extremely difficult to read tone in largely unedited, text-based short-hand. Texts should be used as a way to convey specific information that does not require a phone call such as address details, or a msg to check if the person you wish to speak to or see is available at a particular time. Text msg conversations DO NOT constitute 'actual conversations', that is to say they are about the passing back and forth of pertinent information and not about the 'connection' that is desired of an actual conversations. Consider, if you text with someone every day, you're not likely to tell someone else "Oh yeah, 'so and so' and I talk everyday", because you're not 'talking' you're texting. Even less personal then the text msg is BBM, WhatsAPP, and iMessage. These fast text-based mediums are used, again, for short bits of information and work similar to Skype by allowing international messaging without the added cost. 
5. Facebook Message/Twitter private msg- These are ways to get ahold of someone when you wish to write them a note, see how they're doing, and don't have access to the means or practicality of a phone call, email, or text message. Facebook messages are a bit like letters in that they are private and less about immediate response then about presenting information to someone and awaiting their reply. Twitter private msg is something I haven't used much, although I assume it's similar in function. 
6. The letter, hand-written card, & Post-card- These are largely lost and romantic methods of corresponding. The letter requires actual (legible) penmanship, time, thought, and patience. These are all things that are apparently a luxury in contemporary communication. However, there is something delightfully intimate about handling the same paper or card as the person who sent it to you and seeing their writing as the remnants of the movement of someone's hands. Time-consuming, impractical for immediate conveyance of information, but lovely for those who have the patience. 

The above list is what I would label 'direct' methods of correspondence.  There are, then, the 'indirect' methods:

1. Mobile two-player games: Words with Friends, Draw it, etc...- This is not communication. It is, perhaps, in its best manifestation, a way to stay connected with someone as you play with them. However, these games are not a substitute for actual communication and their private msg options are for comments like 'great play' and 'is that even a word?', not inquiries into the other player's health and well-being. Similar to the text message, these games can not be construed as actual conversation. 
2. Facebook Walls/Status & Twitter- can be used as references to a particular person. This can be a good way to gauge where in the world someone is, or find out what they are up to. Again, it is about mining for information, not connecting. If you post something as a facebook status hoping that a particular person will respond to it in a particular way, you're missing the point. That information goes out to your entire list, if you want a specific person to have specific information then send it directly to them. Example: A's FB Status, " I'm getting married!", B: "like", subsequent phone conversation between A & B, A: "Did you see my FB Status?", B: "Yes I did! Congratulations!", A: "I can't believe you saw my status and didn't call me!". Not fair. FB is like posting a notice to your community wall and then getting mad at your neighbour for not acknowledging it by coming over. If you want your neighbour to respond in a personal and familiar way then tell them in a personal and familiar way!
3. Third party notification- If you are B and A tells you what C wanted you to know, you have not had a conversation with C. This seems extremely obvious and yet I feel compelled to put it here. 

Alright, so there are some rather basic and general divisions of the kinds of correspondence available today. Some things to consider when choosing your method:

• with whom are you connecting? Parent, partner, friend, colleague?
• what is the nature of what you wish to say? Urgent, personal/sentimental, work-related?
• would you like a response and, if so, how quickly and in what manner?

It's important to note, as I said at the start of this rant, that the etiquette of correspondence seem to vary from person to person. As such, it may be pertinent to voice one's desires for communication with the person/people one seeks to communicate with as you go along.

Also, I recognize my own somewhat antiquated leanings: This list is not meant to suggest that one kind of communication is 'better or worse' than another, rather that different modes mean different things to different people. This post is a call to conscious choice, it is a request for consideration in the means by which you maintain connection with someone, especially those closest to you, with full compassion for the complications of fees, time, and accessibility. There are a myriad of options out there, choose wisely :)


Just a thought. Happy corresponding!