So, Happy New Year! I've never really been sure of the whole blogging thing, mostly because it seemed a bit of a self-indulgent pursuit to me to leave one's thoughts and ideas, scattered and unedited, all over the internet. But, as I've been reading the blogs of some of my friends, I see that it is much more than merely public diary and so I'm throwing my keyboard in the ring (there is always room at the table for some good cheese!).
I hope to use this space to write of many things (shoes, ships, ceiling wax...), to escape the confines of 'academic register', to pose questions and engage in dialogue.
I begin with a small conundrum:
We often put our best foot forward for our work, our bosses, our colleagues; we strive for our goals and are completely comfortable with the idea of working hard for our success. Yet, somehow, we feel that personal relationships should come easy, should be effortless; and when they don't work, instead of being proactive, we become defeated. Why is it that we can accept that our success is directly linked to how much work we put in and, at the same time, feel entitled to completely functional personal relationships- friendships, romantic partnerships, familial relationships- where effort is considered a turn-off?
For those of you who pass this way, I look forward to your comments and opinions. As a relative newcomer to the pursuit of blogging, I thank you for your patience and understanding.
With best wishes and mighty ambitions.
So happy to see you blogging, Scheherazaad! Can't wait to read the incredible insights I know you'll have in the months to come.
ReplyDeleteI think we treat career/school work differently from our interpersonal relationships because we're taught techniques and formulas for working hard in career matters right from grade school. We're taught how to how to debate comprehensively, write grammatically correct essays, math formulas, history so we understand human nature in the playing arena of world power and domination . And while we're told relationships are "hard work" we're rarely told how to go about accomplishing that work in a concrete way aside from teachers offhandedly remarking "be as nice to your friends as you would like them to be to you". A real interest in learning about relationships stems from self-initiated investigation/research in the way of life coaching, therapists, self-help books, to name a few. And of course we learn interpersonal skills in the schoolyard and learn on a friend-to-friend basis, but we don't get fed "the rules" in the way we do in career matters.
Often working hard in relationships means giving it air and letting it be for a while- giving some space and taking a break. Not working too hard is often the hardest thing to do because we're not accustomed to "not doing". But perhaps this is what makes us balanced?
Knowing how to work hard through assertion (yang) but also how to work hard by letting it be(yin). This is just a working theory here... I still trying to figure out...
An interesting perspective Anita, thank you! It's just something that has been coming up quite a bit. I especially appreciate your comment about space; I think part of the confusion we face nowadays is the difference between respectful space and hyper-independance. I agree with you that relationships improve with a personal and conscious effort to better oneself and through that, hopefully, the partnership can grow also. However, as a recognized hyper-dooer and alpha personality, I become impatient when others are slower to recognize the value of the work.
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